Nick Cleveland and the Eight-Legged Freaks
by Technomad
Summary: Ravenclaw's most Machiavellian member plunges into the Forbidden Forest on an impromptu rescue mission. What he finds there startles him, and leads to experiences he never imagined. OCs, Luna, Poppy Pomfrey


Nick Cleveland and the Eight-Legged Freaks

by Technomad

It was a beautiful, sunny spring Saturday, and Nick Cleveland was taking full advantage of it. Along with his girlfriend, Melinda Yang, and their protegée, Luna Lovegood, he was just finishing up an excellent picnic. Sitting back and savoring the taste of the last few bites of food, with his two favorite schoolmates on either side of him, all was well with his world.

They were not far from the edge of the Forbidden Forest, but were still in areas that were in-bounds for students. Nick leaned back, looking up at the blue, blue sky and wondering if he had time for a quick broom ride before it was time to go in. Then something caught his eye.

"Hold on, you two. What's spooked those birds?" Over the Forest, birds were flying, acting very disturbed. They were flapping and screeching, behaving in a way Nick had only ever seen before when something was wrong. "Get your wands ready. I think trouble's afoot!"

All three of them watched the forest intently. Suddenly there was a sound. A crashing noise, as though something was coming toward them. Something that sounded big. "Get behind me, now!" Nick noted with one part of his mind that neither Melinda or Luna obeyed his command, and made a mental note to have a talk with them later, as the source of the noise came into view. It was a centaur.

A very young centaur, at that. When it…he?…managed to get free of the tangles of bush at the edge of the forest, he came running toward the trio, yelling "Help! _Mama!_ The Bad Things have my mama!" Before Nick could react, the centaur colt was there with them, clinging to Luna and crying as she comforted it with the hand that wasn't holding her wand.

"Something's wrong. I'm going to see what it is! You two stay behind! Or at least you, Luna!" Nick went toward the forest at a dead run. He'd had little to do with the centaurs, other than glimpsing them at a distance a few times, but he had a soft spot for anything small, helpless and in distress. And he knew there were bad things in the forest.

Bursting through the screen of brush that marked the edge of the forest, Nick looked around. On the soft ground, he could see small hoof-prints, and he tracked them back, calling on the skills he'd learned from various Native elders in the remote parts of North America, before he'd come to Hogwarts.

Coming around a thick clump of trees, Nick drew a horrified breath. A female centaur was entangled in what looked like a giant spider web, and still struggling to break free. She'd tried to cut herself loose with a knife, but the knife was stuck in the webbing, and was now out of her reach. The more she struggled, the more tightly she was ensnared.

"Hold _still,_ you damn fool!" yelled Nick, as he began casting Cutting Charms. The centaur mare didn't seem to understand him, thrashing and kicking. Throwing her head back as well as she could, she let out a piercing, whinnying scream. Nick cursed vividly as he used a Cutting Charm to free one of her arms.

"Nick! Above you!" came Melinda's voice, high and shrill with fear. Instinctively, Nick looked up, and horror raced through him. Over him, poised to spring down on him, was a spider easily the size of a horse. Its eyes gleamed in the light, and venom dripped from its fangs.

" _Yuch-hey-saa-saa-saa! REDUCTO_!" Screaming the ancient battle-cry of his father's people, Nick attacked before the spider could leap down on him. His spell hit dead-center, knocking the spider back and off its feet. It hissed its rage, but seemed disoriented, struggling to rise. Nick turned, to find himself facing Melinda. "And what are _you_ doing _here_?" he snapped, returning to trying to free the centaur before the spider could get back on its feet.

"Helping _you_ , darling. What does it look like?" Melinda began casting Cutting Charms of her own, gradually freeing the centaur mare from the webs that had trapped her.

"Didn't I tell you to _stay back there?_ " Nick snarled, letting off a vicious blast at the spider, which had apparently recovered its equilibrium and was gathering itself for a pounce at its prey and the rescuers. Nick's spell struck home, and the spider shrank back, waving its front four legs menacingly.

"And since _when_ , darling, do _I_ take orders from _you_?" Melinda's tone was like poisoned honey as she grabbed the centaur mare's hand and pulled her free. "Just be glad Luna's not here. She's busy seeing to that centaur colt. She wanted to come, too." She gave her boyfriend a glare as she tried supporting the centaur, which couldn't stay on her hooves and appeared very disoriented. "We're _co-equals,_ _darling_. I am not your servant, nor am I your house-elf." She looked up. "And we've got _company!"_

There were more and more spiders coming. Ranging in size from as big as a man's hand to nearly as big as a horse, they were crawling through the tangled branches overhead. Some were beginning to descend on silken threads toward where the two Ravenclaws were standing.

"Shit and _chancres_!" yelled Nick. He started firing off spells, as fast as he could, hoping to lower their numbers. As fast as he and Melinda killed spiders or drove them back, more apeared. "We've got to get out of here! Now!" He pointed his wand at the centaur mare, who looked as though she'd fainted. " _Levicorpus_!" The centaur stirred, but did not rise. " _Levicorpus_ , Surtr damn it!"

" _Levicorpus!_ " With Melinda's spell joined to his own, the centaur rose into the air, albeit rather unsteadily. "Let's get out of here!" The two Ravenclaws turned and ran for the edge of the forest, towing the centaur behind them. A few spiders got in ahead of them, but vicious use of spells and curses cleared their paths, while the ones behind them, although they hissed angrily, were apparently respectful enough of their magic to let them get away.

Once they were clear of the forest, they ran toward Luna and the centaur colt. The colt saw what they were towing and ran toward them, bawling "MAMA!" Gently, they lowered the centaur mare to the ground. She was completely unconscious, and discharging fluids from both ends. Nick ran his wand over her, performing a few simple diagnostic spells. He looked up, catching Melinda's eye, and shook his head.

"These results aren't easy to read…I never learned anything about centaurs…but they don't look good! Check her out for spider bites. Smaller spiders are poisonous, and I don't like to think of how much poison this poor lady's taken in!"

"Would a Bezoar help?" asked Luna, reaching into her pockets. "I always carry one, ever since Daddy ate some stuff he shouldn't have."

"Don't know, sweetie. You can try it." When Luna knelt by the centaur's head to try to put the bezoar into her mouth, she was rewarded by a torrent of bloody, foamy vomit. "Damn! We'd better get her to Madame Pomfrey!"

Melinda pointed her wand up, sending up a charm. Above them, a glowing golden sphere appeared, emitting a loud screech and extruding an arrow pointing down. It was a standard Ravenclaw emergency signal, calling for help. Any Ravenclaw who heard or saw it would drop whatever he or she was doing to come and render assistance. Unsurprisingly, it was seldom used. Misuse or abuse of that charm would earn the misuser some very unpleasant detentions, as well as a tongue-lashing from Professor Flitwick.

In less than a minute, the Ravenclaw Quidditch team appeared, swooping from the skies in their uniforms. Cho Chang, forgetting completely that she and Melinda hated each other, ran up when her broom landed. "Nick! Melinda! What's wrong?" On the ground, more Ravenclaws came running.

"This centaur was caught by giant spiders! We've got to help her!" The Ravenclaws had a reputation as head-in-the-clouds scholars, but when a crisis hit, they worked together smoothly enough to astonish members of other Houses. Several of them knelt by the stricken centaur, running their wands over her body. Others tried to soothe her sobbing colt.

"This really doesn't look good! We need Madame Pomfrey!" One of the Ravenclaws wiped sweat and hair off his forehead. "I'm training to be a Healer, so I've got a way to call her!" He pulled out a jewelled brooch, and tapped the jewel in the center. Sure enough, Madame Pomfrey came, riding a broom with the aplomb of a Quidditch star. Nick was slightly startled by the sight.

Madame Pomfrey noticed his discomfiture. "Did you think I was _always_ the matron here?" she asked. "When I was _your_ age, Mr. Cleveland, I was a Chaser for the Ravenclaw Quidditch team, and a damn good one!" The Quidditch players gave her startled looks, as she knelt by the centaur.

"Oh, dear, this poor girl's in a very bad way! And in her condition!" Nick's eyes went wide at those last words. "She's going to deliver a colt very soon, Mr. Cleveland. Couldn't you spot it?"

Nick shook his head, as the girls all gave him pitying looks. "Don't feel bad, Mr. Cleveland. You've not been around horses much, have you?"

"Don't have many at Lokafjord, ma'am, and when I was in North America, we either used Muggle transport or brooms to get around, usually," Nick explained. "Sorry I didn't spot it."

Melinda patted Nick on the arm. "Don't feel bad, darling. We still love you even when you're being a thickie, don't we, Luna?" Luna nodded, giving Nick a hug around the chest, as Madame Pomfrey worked to try to stabilize the centaur mare.

Madame Pomfrey stood up. "I've got to get this poor girl to the infirmary, _stat_!" She waved her wand, and she and the centaur mare disappeared. The centaur colt stared, wide-eyed, and broke down in a torrent of tears.

"There, there," Luna soothed, "your mama will be all right. Madame Pomfrey just sent her to our infirmary. That's where sick people are treated. Let's go along and wait to see how she is." The Ravenclaws moved off toward the castle, with the girls comforting the colt, who began to dry his tears and enjoy all the attention.

When they got to the castle, they were met by Argus Filch. "What do you mean, bringing that filthy animal into this nice clean castle…" he began to rave. As one, every Ravenclaw girl present turned on him, raising their wands with murder glowing in their eyes. Filch shrank back, terror all over his face.

"Uh, Mr. Filch," Nick said, feeling rather odd to be acting as a peacemaker for once, "I'd strongly advise you to _let it go_ _this time_. That centaur colt's mother's in the infirmary, if I'm not mistaken. We're taking him to see her. And the girls seem to have adopted the little fellow. Before you try doing anything about it, try something simple, like taking tiger cubs away from their mother!"

"What he said," snapped Cho Chang. "Now, _out of our way_! We'll do our best to not mess up the castle, but time's a-wastin'!" With that, the Ravenclaws swept on past, leaving Filch staring after them, his mouth agape.

The waiting area was too small for all the Ravenclaws who wanted to crowd in, and soon Pat Chisholm exercised her privileges as a prefect to set up a rota. There would be Ravenclaws waiting for news at all times, but most of them would go back to their dorms or other activities. As soon as there was news, they would all be notified as quickly as could be.

When Nick, Melinda and Luna left the infirmary, they found themselves facing a Gryffindor prefect they didn't know. "You three are summoned up to Professor Dumbledore's office. You know where it is?"

"Yeah, we do. We don't know the password to get in, though."

"I've been detailed to bring you there." The prefect led them to the door to Dumbledore's office, whispering the password to open the door. The door creaked open, revealing the spiral staircase. "Go on up. He's expecting you."

When the three Ravenclaws got to Dumbledore's office, the headmaster was, as reported, expecting them. He looked at them with his twinkling blue eyes as they trooped in. "Ah. Miss Yang, Miss Lovegood, and Mr. Cleveland. Welcome in. I've already received a report of what happened in the Forest."

"Sir?" Nick asked, his expression blank.

"Your rescue of Madame Claudia has been noted. I must say, your courage and altruism, even in the defence of one not of your species, is a credit to this school. Many of your classmates would not have done so."

"But, sir, what choice did we have?" Melinda asked. She drew herself up to her full height, generations of magical aristocracy staring out of her obsidian-black eyes. "She was in danger of her life! I am a Manchu noblewoman and a witch! I have _obligations!_ "

"What she said, except for the part about being Manchu and female," Nick said. "It never occurred to me to do otherwise. I'm a son of one of Norway's oldest magical famlies, and when people cry out to me for help, I have no choice but to answer!"

"They are my friends. Where they go, _I_ go!" Luna stuck out her chin and gave the Headmaster a determined look.

Dumbledore smiled again. "Even so, your behavior reflects great credit on your House and school alike. Thirty points to Ravenclaw…apiece."

"Thank you, sir. May we be excused? There's work to be done." Dumbledore nodded, and the three Ravenclaws turned to go.

As Nick left, he thought he heard the Headmaster mutter: "What Gryffindors were lost in you!" He shut the door, choosing not to make an issue of it. He did think that the Headmaster tended to value Gryffindor over the other Houses, but for the most part, it didn't affect him or anybody he cared about, so he figured it was no problem of his.

Claudia's recovery was slow, and complicated by her pregnancy. The rest of the school was curious, but the Ravenclaws kept a constant rotating watch on duty in the anteroom to the infirmary to keep snoops at bay. One day, Nick and Luna were sitting there, quietly getting caught up on homework, when Madame Pomfrey came around the corner and saw them there.

` "There! I need help, and you'll have to do! Get back here, now!" Puzzled, but obedient, Nick and Luna put down their homework and followed the matron back to the rear of the infirmary. On a couple of beds that had been tied together to make a wide enough surface, the centaur mare lay, groaning. Ripples could be seen on her swollen abdomen, running toward her tail. Nick's blood ran cold suddenly. He knew what they'd been called in for!

"Right! Mr. Cleveland, get up here! I need your strength to hold her down! Miss Lovegood, you're with me back here! Your delicate little hands will do better than mine!" Before Nick quite knew what had happened, he was holding the centaur mare, keeping her from thrashing off the bed in her travail.

"What am I to do, Madame Pomfrey?" asked Luna. For once, her spacy manner was gone. Instead, she was as focussed as Nick had ever seen her, and he felt a moment's thrill of pride in his protegée. For all her abstracted ways, she could be counted on in the crunch!

"The colt is twisted around. You need to get your arm up in there and get it un-twisted so that it can come out. It's not hard, but it's easier when you're smaller. Mother Nature knows what she's doing. She just needs help." The centaur mare whinnied as Luna followed Madame Pomfrey's orders, putting on a pair of shoulder-length rubber gloves and gently running her arm up the birth canal.

Looking up, Luna caught Nick's eye. "Don't worry, Nicholas. We've had dogs and other animals, and this is no different from helping them with their babies. Just bigger. You keep Mum calm, and we'll help her bring her baby into the world!" Nick tore his attention away from his little friend, concentrating on Claudia. Her eyes were wild, rolling in her head, and he crooned soothingly to her, holding her as still as he could so that Madame Pomfrey and Luna could work.

After an unguessable time, Nick heard Luna say: "Ah, _there_ we go! _There_ you come! And…you're such a _beautiful_ little centaur stallion!" The centaur mother suddenly went very limp, and Nick was tempted to follow her example. He forced himself to stay on his feet, looking down at Luna, who was holding a squirming centaur colt in her arms, her eyes aglow with love. Nick noticed that his vision had grown misty for some reason.

"Won't he want his mum's milk?" asked Nick. Madame Pomfrey gave him an approving smile.

"You aren't as useless at this as most men, Mr. Cleveland! Yes, he'll be needing to get to the breast as soon as may be!" Madame Pomfrey gave Luna a gentle shove, and she brought the little stallion's head up to his mother's engorged breast. Once he caught the scent, he knew what to do, latching on and sucking hard. "Mr. Cleveland, you can go now. So can you, Miss Lovegood. It's really quite late for you to be out."

Reminded, Nick looked out of the window. When they'd come in, the sun had been high in the sky. Now, he was looking at a starry night sky. "We'll need hall passes, Madame Pomfrey." It was well after hours, and Nick didn't fancy getting detention, or worse, causing Luna to get detention.

"Of course, Mr. Cleveland. Silly of me to forget!" Madame Pomfrey produced two passes. "Signed by me, with an explanation that you were helping out in the infirmary." With those in hand, Nick and Luna headed back to Ravenclaw Tower.

The word had got around that they were helping out. When they got in, the whole House was sitting around the common room, waiting eagerly for news. "Well?" asked Marietta Edgecombe. "What happened?"

"All is well…" Nick said.

"And there's a beautiful little centaur stallion that's just come into the world!" Luna continued for him.

The entire House let out a roar of approval. The centaur colt, whom they had learned was named Hippolytus, capered around, whinnying his joy. From somewhere, butterbeer and other beverages appeared, and the Ravenclaws started to celebrate the new arrival. The party went on for hours. When Flitwick appeared to find out what the uproar was about, he ended up toasting the new arrival and forgot to shut the party down.

The next day, Hogwarts had an unexpected visitor. Two proud centaur stallions came through the gate, to be met by Professor Dumbledore.

"I am Magorian. This is Bane, my son-in-law. We are here to see the centauress Claudia. She is here."

"Greetings, and welcome to Hogwarts, Magorian and Bane. I will conduct you to where she is." The Headmaster led the centaurs through the corridors to the infirmary, where Claudia was nursing her infant, watched adoringly by young Hippolytus. Nick Cleveland happened to be nearby, having brought up a bunch of "Get Well!" cards from his schoolmates. He raised an eyebrow at the entrance of the centaurs.

"Good morning, Mr. Cleveland. I trust I find you well?" asked Professor Dumbledore.

Polite as always, Nick stood and bowed slightly. "I'm just fine, Professor. I take it _these_ two gentlemen are here to visit Claudia?"

"They are. They would probably prefer privacy, so if you will accompany me?" Nick followed Professor Dumbledore out to the anteroom, where they sat down. Professor Dumbledore soon slipped off into a doze, which suited Nick perfectly. He wanted to know what was going on in the infirmary, and quietly cast a charm he'd learned to make his hearing keener.

The first thing he heard was Claudia. She was saying: "Oh, I'm so glad you're here, Father, husband! I've been forced to lower myself to associate with humans! And to even allow them to put their filthy hands on me!"

"Oh, Claudia, how you must have suffered!" came a voice. Nick wondered which of the centaurs was speaking. His eyes narrowed. He hadn't necessarily expected the centaurs to elect him Hero of the Year, but a little gratitude would have been very nice.

"Daughter? Tell me what happened." This was another strange voice, and Nick figured it had to be the older centaur. "How did you happen to come here?"

"I was captured by one of the eight-legged enemies, Father. The young wizard who was here freed me, and brought me out of the forest. When he and his two friends saw my injuries, they summoned more humans, who brought me here. I brought forth my colt here." A rustling noise. "Here, father, husband. Meet the newest stallion of the herd. He still lacks a name. I was waiting for you to come to name him."

"Oh…" The younger centaur stallion's voice was suddenly tender. "He's so perfect! What do you think, father-in-law?"

"He truly is. He shall be a fine addition to our herd," came the voice of the older centaur. "And his name shall be Quintus, since he is the fifth stallion born this year."

"Quintus. Come to Mother, Quintus!" A pause, then: "But the humans put their filthy hands on me! One even reached up into me to help Quintus come forth! How shall I deal with the shame?"

Nick's eyes went wide at the next sound. It was a resounding slap. "DAUGHTER!" The older centaur's voice was like thunder. "For the first time in your life, I am ashamed of you! Those humans saved your life, and the life of young Quintus! You should be thanking them on your knees!"

"But they're only filthy humans…" Another slap cut Claudia's voice off.

"You are ungrateful! When you are recovered, I command you to apologize to those humans who helped you, two-leggers though they may be! Better two legs than eight, any day! Come, Bane! We shall return when my daughter has learned humility and gratitude!" Nick remembered to bury his face in a book, as though he hadn't heard a thing and couldn't have cared less, as the two centaurs stamped out. He was no expert on their body language, but he could tell that the elder was furious.

Madame Pomfrey came in, giving Nick a pawky look. "If you're quite finished eavesdropping, Mr. Cleveland, you may go back to your dorm. Some of your housemates are here." Behind her, Padma Patil and Cho Chang stood.

"I'll be on my way, ma'am," Nick replied. "And as for eavesdropping…I've always said that the danger that will kill me is the one I don't know about. Knowledge, ma'am, is power. And life."

Madame Pomfrey gave him a strange look. "You may be a Ravenclaw, but every so often, Mr. Cleveland, you sound exactly like your mother." Nick's mother had been a bright particular star of Slytherin in her day, running the House like a tyrannical queen.

A few days later, Claudia was well enough to travel. With little Hippolytus and Quintus (who was already up on his hooves, and had become a great favorite when he'd escaped his mother's custody to go exploring the castle with his big brother) she requested a meeting with Nick, Melinda and Luna. Off to one side, Magorian was watching, a stern expression on his face.

Nick watched, impassively, as Claudia stepped forward, bowing. "I have been informed that I have been remiss. Please accept my apologies for any offense I may have caused you. I am grateful to you beyond words for saving me and my children."

Nick nodded. "Apologies are not necessary, Madame Claudia. We understand that you were under a great deal of stress, and at times like that, people say things they don't really mean. And, by the way…congratulations again on your new arrival! He bids fair to lead the herd one day!"

Claudia smiled. She may have been a centaur, but any mother likes hearing her babies praised. "If so, he'll just follow in his grandfather's hoofprints!" Magorian smiled for the first time. He was a centaur, but he was also a doting grandfather.

Magorian stepped forward, taking each of the humans' hands in his own, one after the other. "On behalf of my herd, I want to thank you as well. We've lost many of our finest to the Spider Plague, and every centaur life is precious. Although we normally avoid humans, I want you three to know that you are welcome in the Forest any time."

Nick, Melinda and Luna all bowed. "We only did what we had to do, sir," Nick said. "We are people with duties, and with power, comes responsibility to use it well and non-abusively."

Magorian gave Nick a long, considering look. "That is well said, young wizard. I wish more of your kind lived by them."

"All we can do is to be the best wizards and witches we can be, sir," said Melinda. "This person is aware of her faults, but strives to overcome them."

"As should we all," said Magorian, giving his daughter a stern glance. "Come, daughter. Your husband awaits you, and the rest of the herd is eager to meet our newest member." In single-file, the centaurs trotted out, with Hippolytus turning to wave goodbye to his new human friends.

"Well," said Nick, after a brief interval, "that was a unique experience."

"Yes, it was," Melinda said, wiping her eyes. "And I want to know what acromantulas, of all awful things, are doing in Scotland!"

"Some foolish wizard probably had some small ones, and let them get away," Luna speculated. "Like what you told me about rabbits and foxes, in Australia."

"Well, I can hope that that's the last time I see those things," Nick commented. He shuddered. "If I ever see them again, it'll be too soon!"

Nick had forgotten that Wyrd weaves as it will, and all men have their fates. His wish was destined to be futile.

END part one


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